Two Countries Separated by a Common Language......

One would think that communicating with New Zealanders would be easy. After all, we do share a common mother tongue. Ah, but therein lies our difficulty, because while Jim and I speak fluent American, the New Zealanders speak fluent Kiwi. Just how different these variants are was brought home to me when I was hired by a broadcasting firm in Nelson to rewrite the US version of their website into, well, American. The problem was not so much one of grammar (for instance, they would write “a hour” instead of “an hour”), as it was the sorts of things they would say: “When setting up your station, you can be faced with all manner of fishhooks.” Or, “You want to keep your script within cooee because if it's not at hand when you're on the air, your broadcast could go all pear-shaped.”

Even when words look and sound exactly like ours, they can carry a different meaning. For instance, a dairy is not a place where cows congregate to be milked – it's the Kiwi equivalent of a 7/11 and a place where you might buy a bottle of wine and some smokes. (Note: In an effort to discourage smoking, the NZ government has mandated that every cigarette pack be emblazoned with truly disgusting photos of diseased organs caused by smoking. So customers routinely ask for a pack of lung cancer or heart disease, which is done with a sang froid that indicates this strategy is not working. And what we call “coffee breaks” in the US are known as “smokos” here. The Kiwis obviously still have a way to go on this one).

There's also a difference in the expressions used. While in the US “the rat race” refers to working endless hours to afford things you don't have time to enjoy because you're working endless hours, in New Zealand “The Rat Race” is an annual fundraiser wherein rats (the small furry kind) are raced through the Prince Albert Hotel for the benefit of volunteer Search and Rescue.

Many expressions, though, are easily understood in context. “That idea won't float for toffee” or “He's mad as a cut snake” are so wonderfully graphic that they register immediately. The Kiwis also use “crook” and “be right” in almost every situation where something has gone awry, as in : “Ah, this fence is crook.” “Never mind, mate; I'll get some number 8 wire and she'll be right.” Kiwis also use words to express their emotions that have a more visceral quality than ours. If someone gets good news, they'll say they're "rapt" or "chuffed."  If very disappointed - "I'm gutted."

 

Probably our biggest comprehension problem, though, is with accents. When I decided to take up spinning (I'd bought an entire alpaca fleece, but that's another story), a wonderful neighbor of ours called to say that she'd secured a “Little Piggy” for me. I immediately pictured the spinning wheel as barrel-shaped with maybe a corkscrew spindle, only to discover when I went to pick it up – that it was actually named after the maker's wife: Peggy. The accent problem works the other way as well, despite the prevalence of American TV shows here. Occasionally when I'm speaking to someone, they'll get a rather bemused look on their faces and then smilingly say "Could you repeat that? I couldn't understand a word you said." And it's not just me. Jim tried ordering a "Hop-Picker" beer at the local Craft Beer Festival (Slogan: "Dead Good Beer"). The tap wench just gave him a blank stare until the the Kiwi at his side (always a good idea to keep a translator on hand) leaned in and said "Hay mains a happickuh."

And sometimes the problem is just a difference of perception. “It's brisk today” is the Kiwi way of saying it's zero degree weather and there's a 50 mph wind blowing the birds out of the sky. As it is now officially spring, they're saying that a lot these days.

Next Post: Springtime in New Zealand....brrrr!